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Ron’s Comments

Written by Sean on Monday, July 26, 2004

Here are a few thoughts from my viewpoint as a wannabe/pretender.

I recall at a rather young age, perhaps 10 or so, playing games with my brother and friends, where I was disabled, paralyzed from the waist down. It was a common fantasy when we were playing super-hero games that my secret identity was a crippled person.

The first orgasm I can recall came while I was playing on crutches in the basement of our home. I had bound my legs with rope, with a baseball bat between them. It was just a bit longer than my legs, so when I walked with the crutches, my feet didn’t touch the ground, just the handle of the bat. I was imagining it to be some kind of leg brace thing for my crippled legs. I suppose the pressure of the bat down there was what set me off. I had no idea what the sensation was, but I liked it.

Prior to then, and after then I often played with crutches and with immobilizing my legs.

While I have fantasized often that I was paralyzed, I’ve never really wanted to be: it would be far too inconvenient, and I would have to give up too many things that I like.

I have rented wheelchairs a number of times, and have used them in public, such as at malls where I felt sure I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew. Similarly, with my forearm crutches, and my leg braces (I used to have them, purged them in one of those fits one sometimes has), I’ve gone places, to stores, etc. One time I used my crutches to crutch in bathing suit to the motel pool where I was staying, and lowered my crippled self into the whirlpool for a nice refreshing whirl. Then back to my room.

I worked out of town for a few years, and during that period lived alone in an apartment. I often used crutches or wheelchair around the apartment grounds.

I’ve always felt quite “right” when pretending to be crippled, as though there was a sense in which I was “meant” to be that way. At the same time, as I mentioned, I’ve never really wanted to wind up that way permanently. It’s more of a comfort thing with me: when I’m feeling stress, I want my leg braces or wheelchair.

For a long while I felt like I was quite alone and different, and for a while it bothered me that I had these feelings. I came to realize that I am a good person and not harmful to anyone, so was OK with it. Then, when I found out there are others like me, it was even better news to know that I wasn’t alone in the universe with these feelings.

I’ve felt this way for so long, it’s just a part of me, no more and more less. I do wish that it were more acceptable to the world at large, or that I was less shy about just going with it, but I’m not really troubled by the secrecy, as I’m really a rather private person anyway.