And as far as I know, Jadon doesn’t feel like we’re piggybacking on the term at all, but rather a parallel between the lives of those with BIID and transsexuals.

I can think of countless times when I expressed my feelings, and Jadon would go like, “Yeah, I feel the same way on my end.”

I do agree with you that we all gain by supporting one another and being allies. I certainly do my best in that area.

Using the word transabled is not meant to piggyback on the work and effort of transsexuals, but rather trying to find a word that represents how we feel. I *do* compare BIID to GID very often because GID/transsexualism seems to be somewhat better understood in today’s society.

Transsexual people have worked very hard to gain acceptance in society and access to medical procedures. Using the word “transabled” clearly piggybacks on that work. If cisgender people with BIID are going to refer to themselves as “transabled” they really need to be stellar transgender allies. Otherwise, it’s misappropriation and it will alienate potential allies.

Gordo, I think the leg bag thing is pretty much a sealed system. It shouldn’t leak unless there’s a lot of pressure. Ask Sean.

Mary, I agree. Some disability is better than none.

My bladder has not been quite the same since my back injury in 2006. Two of the things that can happen with SCI are that the sphincter can stay in the open position, or it can slam shut. Mine slammed shut; almost. It’s the exact opposite of what I wanted. Bummer! Now I pee at about one third to one half the frequency that I used to. I tell my partner “I’m going to pee now. See you in half an hour”. It’s supposed to be a joke, but it’s not too far from the truth. It can take 20 minutes. I have to focus really hard in order to be able to relax the bladder sphincter enough to start peeing; and then it can slam shut again three or four times in the process. I could self cath, but that takes just as long with the preparation, etc. I’ve tried leaving the catheter in for a while, and wearing a diaper over it. Then one really experiences complete bladder incontinence. Way cool! This might work for guys too, but I’m not sure. I am absolutely NOT recommending to anyone that they try this. It is not risk free.

I’m in no way an expert in these matters, but my understanding is that which way one’s sphincter goes depends on the level of injury. I was told that I had T10 - T12, which I think is right around the transitional zone for the two effects. So it probably could have gone either way.

My preference would be to have a permanent Foley catheter and leg bag. When I was a kid I had a friend with spina bifida. She had braces and a leg bag, so I know the combination works fine.

Probably an unfounded fear, though.

Wearing nappies offers a different feeling though.

I’ve done self catheterisations, but I don’t like to do it too much because there are risks.

Add those two together, and it was fortunate that I was familiar with the diaper stuff already.

I’m not sure if any males have had this issue of “sitting = pressure on bladder” though.

Apparently quite a few of us wear diapers. Me too. I hadn’t realised that until this particular column. Thank you Mary and Gordo for admitting to this. I always wear incontinence protection when I am in leg braces, and a lot of other times besides. When I was first with my partner she would get really embarrassed if I tossed adult diapers or incontinence pads into the shopping cart. She would pretend not to know me and I’d have to go through checkout by myself. I hadn’t told her about BIID at the time, and she probably thought I was pretty weird……. Hmm, that’s a strange statement. It’s not like explaining that you need the diapers because you identify as a person with paraplegia makes it seem normal, ha ha! Now it is completely different at the grocery store, because I am wearing leg braces. My partner is all over helping me find the right incontinence products. She likes to be seen helping her disabled friend, and, since I am the one with braces, the presumption is that other people will assume that the products are for me.

Having friends with disabilities is a very positive thing. I get the impression that people with BIID tend to be especially empathetic towards people with disabilities. I am. I have a wonderful friend who is completely paralysed from the waist down. I have encouraged her to tell me how much it sucks, and she has been very happy to oblige. For a while I thought she might be able to scare me out of having BIID feelings, but that doesn’t happen at all. One can never be completely prepared for paraplegia, but it is a good thing to prepare oneself as much as possible, regardless of whether one actually intends to become paraplegic or not. (My apologies to those with manifestations other than paralysis/paraplegia; please substitute whatever you have). We can learn much from people with disabilities, and at the same time provide a lot of emotional support for them.

Working with people with disabilities won’t help ease BIID (as far as I can tell) but it’s something I’d recommend because you get a more realistic close-up view of some difficulties they face that you might otherwise miss.

As a peer helper, some of those students used me as a “talk buddy” for some of the problems they face both in and out of school due to their disabilities. Even if you can’t give advice and can only listen, it’s a good opportunity to learn about living with disabilities and also good for the person talking about the difficulties. It’s definitely worthwhile.

With the ABDL thing, I don’t know how clear I was about it. Basically, my curiosity was not in the diapers but rather in the prospect of losing bladder control as a result of a spinal cord injury. I don’t think I made that quite clear enough, but one can kind of guess.

“When I feel, I feel more at ease with myself and generally feel like I have more potential; maximizing confidence and potential is almost never a bad thing.”

It’s obviously supposed to be “when I wheel, …”

“I’m not sure which hurts the most — not knowing if I can ever be honest with my family about this, or not knowing if I’ll ever come close to living as a paraplegic (either through “pretending” or for real).”

What your family thinks really does matter to most people. And with the future being uncertain about something that’s so important to you, that’s unnerving too. You put into words what I think about a lot.

What Sean said though, it’s true… with the Internet and stuff it’s a good thing that you (and others) find out that it’s not so weird to be like this after all.

Thanks for that. One thing that strikes me is how “lucky” you are to have access to the kind of support available on this site and other sites at your age. To think I was much older before I realised I wasn’t the only “weirdo” in the world…

Your last paragraph rings particularly true for me. Thank you for saying that.