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Fred

Written by Sean on Monday, July 26, 2004

I think I do understand the chair vs. the braces thing. One is to do with emotional response in people, whereas the other is primarily sexual. For me, the 2 are together in the braces - I seem to think that braces would be a way to gain attention from others (don’t know why I think I need it though) - I can remember consciously thinking at the age of 12 that if I wore braces I’d get more friends. I even tried to break my leg again ( it was broken for real at 7-8yrs) in early teenage years to achieve this - a bit like you and your back.

There is definitely a strong sexual link with braces - my greatest source of orgasmic activity is thinking about this stuff - but it is far more complex than just a fetish thing. The whole state of disability has such a powerful fascination for a whole host of different reasons. I think I told you I am married (pretty happily too) but my wife of 25 years has a real problem with all this - only recently have I started to explain just how important it can be (there are long periods when it is in the background rather than the foreground - usually when there are other things to worry me) and she really can’t handle it..

I’m never quite sure how I would like to resolve it to an agreeable outcome. I think I’d like to have some real reason for wearing calipers - it would make me feel “complete” in some odd way. I don’t think I could fake wearing them. Also, just wearing them for sexual stimulation at home (when the kids leave the nest) wouldn’t be the cure as it IS more than just the sexual thing - but this other part is hard to put ones finger on.

I can see me continuing to be frustrated as hell and carry on just the way I am! Perhaps if I was disabled I’d regret not being fit and active and think how stupid it all was. I certainly have real moral problems when I meet people like my wife’s cousin who is really badly stricken with MS - this compounds the problem trying to tell my wife I’d like to be disabled too… but not with MS, just a leg paralysis..