transabled.org

Every coping mechanism that any of us can find and share with each other is a good thing. It is also good to know what has not worked for others. I don’t mean to imply that we will all benefit in exatly the same way. We are all different.

I do find that my wheelchair makes a very comfortable desk chair. Moreover, just sitting in it at work, without actually wheeling anywhere, has a massive positive effect on my well being.

I am sensing a cautious optimism from you, Sophie, and I am glad for that. One way or another you have found some positive directions, and I’m eager to see what happens next.

“He told me ultimately the therapy wasn’t about winning or losing anything, it’s about changing thought patterns and opening up new pathways…”

That’s a very good point to start from. In fact, I think it is the only path, a path that is created by going it.

“We’re very “compulsive” about our transabled needs and for most of us it’s a case of “all or nothing”.”

Isn’t he very right here, too? I mean, I really don’t feel really free in desiring to become a double above knee amputee. It has a compulsive taste.

My personal and individual experience is that it is better not to use the wheelchair.

And the wheelchair has turned out to be not a real practical and comfortable desk chair, too. It takes too much space, I have to use my hands to move it (whereas I simply can stand up with hands free from a normal chair), and it limits my movements. It serves more my BIID than it serves as a useful piece of furniture.

I have come to the conclusion that for me (!) the wheelchair is just there for bad times to reduce the urge or pressure.

I am very interested in the EMDR therapy approach. Please let us know about your experience with it.

It has been used mostly for trauma treatment. But who knows, maybe BIID is the consequence of a trauma early in childhood which we consciously don’t remember?

Recently I have found once again that what helps me (individually me) is to be among easy-going, open-minded people without stoppages. And to allow myself everything: every thought, feeling, desire, movement, particularly sexual feelings.

I’m with Chloe, I think this post is one of the most optimistic/positive ones you’ve written in a very long time.

I’m glad to hear things are moving and you’re willing to explore this. I do hope it works for you.

Your parents are wrong, your participation here is welcome, even if you leave the chair behind. Perhaps even especially so. For me, the bottom line is that my friend deserve happiness, and I’m not here to dictate what shape that happiness should take.

Indeed Phil, if BIID is an neurological problem then it could well be as a result of a blow on the head when we were babies that we don’t remember.

This was one of the questions asked when my other neuro problem was diagnosed.

I don’t use the wheelchair in my office because it’s too small but I do use it as a TV chair. I never sit on sofas as I fall asleep almost immediately so I used to take a dining chair to the TV room. Now I use the WC. I love the way it moves when you laugh at comedians! And when our team wins a game instead of jumping up and down I just spin round at full speed!

Yes, this is most definitely a positive post. My parents and I had a few emotional moments with me and the reiterated that no matter what happens I’ll always be their daughter and they would never have chosen anyone else over me to be their daughter. I’m starting to feel free to explore my own solutions rather than hiding myself away to keep others happy.

I think my wheelchair would be a vast improvement over the wooden dining room table chair (with no cushion) for a computer chair :D Still dunno if Mum’ll say yes or not though, this is her house after all.

I think your approach is very sane and beneficial (“I don’t need to be in a wheelchair to be happy” and you don’t know if this is going to work but you want to try it out. And “Bottling up my feelings and hiding the bottle under the bed isn’t a very healthy thing to do.”) Your post shows interesting developments in your family setting; you do sound more positive, really. It cheers me up to see you’re not stuck in a hopeless situation and there are things for you to try out and to work towards.

Tidying my bedroom (now a whole house:) has always been a step towards a renewed determination for me, I liked to read what you wrote. And yes, those vac cleaners need new bags every so often, I changed mine’s yesterday and found it did wonders!

Your mother may hate the Internet and this site, but it seems that she fails to see you’re not being influenced negatively by what you find here, it is rather the opposite, there is a (virtual) place where you find an open minded form of support. You follow your own path as we all do and it is good to be able to share with others.

I’m off to vac the staircase now :)

Sophie:
This IS a positive post from you and I think you are making great strides! Kudos!! :)

I think you are moving forward with your own life, and I greatly encourage you! That also means out of your parents home! :)

Personally, I love the wheelchair as a desk chair at home. I live in a small place, I don’t have an office, or even a desk for that matter. My “desk” at home is my dining room table. Last weekend working, I had to get my wheelchair from the bedroom, and oh how comfy it was to work from!

AND Sophie, if and when you move out, or even before you do, put some money aside and buy a bagless vacuum! Worth it’s weight in gold!! :)

Good luck with everything!

I’m allergic to dust. Just dumping a bag in the rubbish is a lot better for me than to try and empty a container of dust and have some of it fly up at me on impact.

I loved it when I could have my chair in my room. I could close the door after tea and spend the entire night in my chair, even to get ready for bed.

Hi Sophie,

I think that i’ve come to conclude that i can be happy wihtout a wheelchair, but i cant be myself. And i’ve come to think that they are very different questions…

You have obviously made some very significant positive steps in your life and i dont want anything that i might say to change that. But i think that i personally have come to the conclusion that although i can live a happy life regardless, i cant live an authentic life without the chair.

But i’m a big wus – i’ve never been able to come out to my parents or to my closest friends. Which is something you’ve had the guts to do and i admire you for it.

I know the desire to please your parents and to be acceptable to those around you. But to you, and to everyone else here, do you think you are living an authentic life – the life you were meant to lead, or do you think that you are burying part of your soul, part of your being, by denying this desire?

I dont know the answer – i tend to think that i am suppressing part of myself by suppressing this need in me. But until i have the guts to stand up (figuratively!) and say, this is me, this is who i am, then i dont think that i can live an authentic life.

I’m sure my precedent shouldnt make a difference to your mother’s opinion – but i’ve tried to stay away from this site over the last 6 months, and it didnt make a difference to my feelings.

I thought that i could step back, get away from the ‘positive reinforcement’ of the people here who were encouraging me to forego the usual societal norms. But i’ve come to think that the feeling exists independant of any sort of reinforcement.

But Soph, if this is what you really feel – we aren’t making you feel that, we’re just letting you know that you’re not alone – and that can never be a bad thing.

If you ask yourself the question and if your answer to that is that this is your authentic being – then do all that you can to be it.

Nobody (well almost nobody!) understands – that’s fine – probably the way its meant to be at the moment- just be you, the best you that you can be – we love you, and you’re parents will too, they just probably need a little time to get used to the idea.

You are the only one who can answer that question though – and i look forward to hearing your response….