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Home / Stories / Personal Histories / Maria’s Story

Maria’s Story

Written by Maria on Monday, April 24, 2006

First let me introduce myself.

My name is Maria. I’m twenty-three years old and, obviously, female. I’m currently in my junior year of university to become a teacher. I’m also married to a wonderful husband, and together we have one wonderful cat. Nothing too unusual. Well… this might be where the not-so-unusual ends.

When I was younger, I realized at some point that I was a little different than most other people. And by different, I mean I had (and have) an unusual (?) desire to be disabled.

It started when I was in elementary school. I would lock myself in my room, pull my legs behind me, tie them there, and try to get around. Or I would put a dozen socks and legwarmers on a foot and leg and pretend I had a broken leg. My friend also had this sturdy plastic toy stroller. Whenever we played ‘restaurant’ or ‘house,’ I would always pretend that I had been in a car accident and was paralyzed. I would sit in the stroller and wheel myself around.

I did these things and some others all throughout middle and high school, too. I did nothing more because I was afraid of being found out by someone… anyone.

After I was married and had moved into my own apartment, I began blindsimming. I bought books in braille (which, yes, I can read with my fingers), I labeled CDs and kitchen appliances in braille. My husband bought me a braille watch (I told you he is wonderful), and I sometimes used a long cane out in public (with my husband, who, thankfully, indulged these feelings). I was even seriously thinking of getting opaque contact lenses when I came across this website.

I think, now, that blindsimming was just an easy (maybe the easiest) way to live out my desire. Because all it takes to simulate blindness (if blindness can be simulated) is to close your eyes or blindfold yourself, it cost nearly nothing to do it. I learned, though, that saving money does not necessarily lead to happiness. I was just taking the easiest most inconspicuous way out. Blindsimming was just the manifestation of a desire needing to escape in any way possible.

As long as I can remember, I have always been interested in wheelchairs. At hospitals, visiting my great grandmother in the nursing home, at church in the empty sanctuary, anywhere I could, I would get in any available wheelchair and either just sit there or, if I could, wheel around. At church other kids and I would race each other. So finding this website was like a revelation of sorts. I had become dissatisfied with blindsimming. But those transabled needs were still there. I really didn’t know what to do.

This website has also been a savior. I was and am currently living in my own apartment (with my husband and cat, of course) in a city two hours away from my hometown. Soon after moving to my current location, I found this website. Quickly, I contacted Sean through email. Besides my husband, Sean is the only person who knows my true identity and about my transability. Sean made me feel and know that I am not alone in how I feel. By reading his site, my interest in wheelchairs was once again ignited (I’m not blaming you, though, Sean.).

Now that I was living with my awesomely understanding husband in a city far from anyone I knew (especially my family), it was possible for me to allow my transability to manifest itself in a much more open manner. I discussed with my husband purchasing a used wheelchair. He had no problem and a reasonable spending limit. I went on EBay immediately. Two weeks later, I had a used but beautiful Quickie DT in my possession.

My husband allows me to wheel practically whenever I want, and he even wheels himself some, too. My family knows of the wheelchair, that I have it, but they don’t really know why I have it. Perhaps they think it’s just some quirky "whatever" that their artsy child/sister/daughter-in-law has. I mean, I’ve always been an unusual kid. So it’s probably not too weird to my family that I have a wheelchair. Last time my mom visited even, I wheeled out into the parking lot with her. She didn’t think anything of it. However, it probably wouldn’t go over too well if I told my family that I was going to become a full-time wheeler. So that’s just going to have to wait until I don’t know when.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. It’s crazy, and I know a few people will think I’m jumping the gun (actually, probably more than a few people), but now I’m wishing on every penny and eyelash for something that will lead to paraplegia. And no, Sean, it’s not your fault. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

So yeah… I told you the normalcy was short-lived.