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Blog > Features > SCI Questions and Answers > How do you feel about women who find you more attractive because of your paraplegia?

How do you feel about women who find you more attractive because of your paraplegia?

Written by Sean on Wednesday, September 24, 1997

I can’t honestly say that I have ever met a woman who I knew found me more attractive because of my paraplegia. Having said that I have noticed that women are, on the whole more comfortable with my paraplegia than men.

I have talked about this with other SCI men and there is a feeling that maybe women initially feel less threatened by us (as some women find with gay men).

Would it bother me if a woman found me attractive solely because of my paraplegia. NOPE! But if it remained the only common factor, it wouldn’t be a good basis for a long term relationship.

I am coming to the view that the disability attraction is predominantly a male interest. I have only ever known one woman who shared this interest. (note from Sean: From what I have seen, predominantly male interest, yes, but there are quite a few women I am aware of that share this interest)

A different opinion

(note from Sean: The following two paragraphs were written by a woman friend of mine who once talked to me about this very topic. Note that it may disturb the devs, or make them uncomfortable. I think it is important that we hear about all point of views…)

I don’t buy that a dev’s attraction is just the same as liking blonde hair or large breasts… It’s not the same, those are natural, or in some cases enhanced attributes. They did not come from an injury. And the few times I’ve been with a dev… It’s actually been the last thing I’d ever let myself think about. It’s not what I want it to be. I can’t internally assign my sexuality to my disability. … Not “in spite of”… That’s negative. But “not because of” either. It’s not that I think it’s bad… I don’t… But I think it’s exclusive of what I really am..

Took me a long time to bring my legs home, learn to make them mine again and to care about them instead of hide them. It took me time to learn to enjoy them for what they are and to want to put pretty stockings on and ankle bracelets or to shave them and lotion them. It took so long… And I did it myself, no man did it for me, and it belongs to me. It’s a very private thing. I think that rather than share it with someone who wouldn’t know how important it was, rather than focus on what a devotee was becoming aroused about, I’d have to get up and get out of the bed. I have to focus on the physical pleasure and be lost in that, almost to make sure that the fact of my legs as they are is not what makes me sexual. I want my experiences to be as real as they were before. I want them to flow and be so very good there is no doubt about my desirability and so natural that it balances out the stigma that is always there to try and take away from my being a woman.

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