Blog > Early memories > When Todd became a paraplegic
When Todd became a paraplegic
Written by Claire on Saturday, February 10, 2007
I was 9 years old. Todd was my favorite older cousin. He was 17, and like an older brother to me, an only child, who had no other older brother. I loved him. One day, my mother arrived home with two of my cousins in tow; Todd’s little brother and sister. She said there had been a terrible accident, and that Todd had been shot in the back while hunting, and that he would never walk again.
I actually smiled. Looking into the faces of his striken siblings, I smiled at this news. I somehow knew that this wasn’t the right response and hastily wiped the smile off my face to give I don’t even remember what response, but something more appropriate. I’m not sure how long that smile lingered on my face, it could well have been too quick for anyone to really notice. But I remember smiling, and realizing I shouldn’t smile, but thinking “Cooooooool!” I thought it was way cool that this thing should happen to my favorite cousin Todd. I loved him, and to me, never walking again sounded like a very fortunate thing to have happened to him. I didn’t smile because I wished him ill, I smiled because I was happy for him. But that was just a gut reaction. I realized that this wasn’t something I could express. I knew that most people, Todd included, would not view that as a fortunate accident.
It’s one of those vew moments from my childhood that I remember very clearly, althought I haven’t thought about it in awhile, and it’s never been until very recently that I’ve ever really faced the fact that I smiled when I found out Todd was going to be a paraplegic. Now I can understand why, but for many years I was ashamed of that memory, and confused by it. I derive some comfort from it now, because it’s more proof that something was there already, before his accident. His being a paraplegic didn’t make me transabled, I already was transabled before this ever happened.
[tags]Transabled, BIID, Paraplegic, Childhood, Children, Memories[/tags]This entry appears in Early memories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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5 Comments
2 On 13 February, 2007, Claire said:
Thanks, Sandy, I am comforted that I’m not the only one who experienced this as a child.
I feel the same way too. I am still young, and I am still experiencing this sometimes…as Sandy said, “Reacting ‘strangely’ to ‘bad’ news.” So you are definitely not the only one who felt this way.
The same here, our family knows another family and a couple of years ago a young man there had a ski accident and became paraplegic. Unlike the others I found this turn of his life rather exciting and even today many times I think of him and those around him… How lucky they are at least to be close to a person like him – and his wheelchair…
Its not something I like to admit to – but due to … a lack of emotion? I often react very uncaring, even harshly to certain situations. I dont know …
Such as – My granny is in the hospital right now. Honestly – I dont know if she’ll come out >.> Shes got many problems but … Theres just a lack of emotion due to that. Maybe its a learned technique due to pain I’ve experienced …
I know if she does die … I dont know honestly how I’ll take it. I’ll probably be numb for a good long time and then just break down.
Not really related to BIID but … It is a “inappropriate’ response to bad news and a coping mechanism, I suppose.
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1 On 12 February, 2007, Sandy said:
When I was a child I often reacted “strangely” to “bad” news. Like you I felt like laughing or smiling when I heard about a serious accident or injury though I tried to hide it knowing I should react with sadness. This behaviour seems to be part of the whole picture of transabledness.