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Sophie’s somewhat “fuzzy” memories

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Written by Sophie on Monday, February 5, 2007

Sean asked me to write about some of my early memories in regards to my transabledness. My memories are memories that have emerged since I discovered my feelings were legitimate so some of them are still rather hazy.

All my life I had this attraction to medical stuff, mostly stuff in relation to wheelchairs. My family and I just assumed it was to do with my desire to be a nurse. I sometimes wonder now if my desire to be a nurse was just a way to refocus my BIID. I would watch every single medical program, documentary, soap. I watched Middlemore (a doco in NZ), Emergency, ER, Westpac Rescue, Starship Children’s Hospital (can’t remember the name of the actual program). I can remember while watching one of those kiwi programs a story about a man who had fallen from a tree and broken his back. This would have been when I was 9. It showed us him in the hospital being measured for his TLSO brace and then starting physiotherapy in it. I had this strong desire to be like him that I simply couldn’t explain. I didn’t tell my parents because as Sean said about his feelings, I didn’t quite understand any of it myself. In a way it’s a good thing I didn’t tell my parents.

When I was a couple of years older a movie called Suddenly was aired on TV. It was that movie where Kirsty Alley got hit by a bus and became a paraplegic. I had such an attraction to the wheeling guy in the movie and I had this uncontrollable desire inside of me to be that person. Independent, nice wheelchair, cool gloves, confident. That movie was what really got me consciously thinking about wheelchairs and me using one.

Since I had grown up in a strict Christian family I didn’t think any of these desires where feelings that I could even allow myself to feel, so I squashed them down and did my best to forget about them. I will try to elaborate more in the future as I have moments of inspiration but at this point what I’ve written here is all that I solidly know.

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About Sophie

Sophie is transabled. She has been using a wheelchair more and more, and has wheeled "full time" for several months. She is now stuck back at her parents house without a wheelchair and having to suppress her transabledness. She looks forward to the day where she will be a para (Complete T12).