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Claire’s Earliest Memory

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Written by Claire on Saturday, February 3, 2007

My earliest memory about being transabled dates back to about age 5. At this time, I don’t even remember having ever seen a disabled person before, although I’m sure that I had. It was Christmas morning (which means that I had just turned 5), and I had awoken to find the presents from Santa under the tree.

I opened them alone, without waiting for my parents to wake up. The only present that I actually remember was a toy train, which was already set up and circling merrily around the Christmas tree. I started to play “house” alone, imagining that I was a mother. But the mother was “crippled” and she walked with a very severe limp because her legs didn’t work right. I remember playing this for a long time before my parents woke up, limping around the house, being the “crippled mother.” I have no idea if I actually played with my Christmas presents.

Eventually my dad woke up and asked me what I was doing, limping around the house like that. I told him that I was the mother and that I was “crippled”. He burst out laughing, a hearty guffaw at the crazy imaginations of the young.

He now has Alzheimer’s Disease, but I asked him once recently if he remembered that. He said he did, and laughed again, shaking his head and saying “Oh, kids!”

I now have a 5-year-old child, and looking at her, watching her grow, I can’t even begin to imagine the beginnings of a lifelong thing like transability in such a young, small, innocent little creature. And yet, that was me, 32 years ago.

[tags]Transabled, BIID, Childhood, Children, Young, Memories[/tags]
 

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One Comment

1 On 3 February, 2007, Riverwind said:

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Greetings,

I can readily relate to the content of the memories shared on this webpage. I felt that I myself was somehow dysfunctional because of my own fantasies about being disabled. I have been blind from birth, but my imaginings involved being sighted and otherwise disabled such as being dependant upon a wheelchair or braces or missing a limb. Reading the accounts of others who have similar fascinations and/or fantasies at least indicates to me that I am not actually sick.

Bright Blessings,
RiverWind

 

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About Claire

I am a wife and mother who has had BIID all my life. Since my earliest memories I have had a deep desire to be a paraplegic. For over 30 years I kept this a closely held secret until one day I just could not take it anymore. Now, I am telling all of you my story, because I know that somewhere there is another wife and mother who is confused about her strange desires and needs to know she is not alone. follow me on Twitter